Financial abuse is one of the most insidious forms of control. It can be difficult to recognize yet devastating in its impact. Cary Carbonaro, a Certified Financial Planner and fierce advocate for women’s financial empowerment, knows this firsthand. In a powerful conversation on my Unleash Your True Value® podcast, Cary opened up about her personal and professional journey, from surviving an abusive marriage to being silenced in a toxic corporate culture, and how those experiences fueled her mission to help women take charge of their financial lives.

Cary’s own story illustrates how even financially savvy women can fall prey to financial control. Despite being a financial planner and the breadwinner in her marriage, she endured years of emotional and financial abuse before reclaiming her voice. She later found herself silenced again, this time by a corporate culture that stifled her advocacy. But her resilience prevailed.

Here are 5 key signs that could signal you’re being financially controlled.

1. Total lack of access to money. This might show up as your partner controlling all bank accounts, giving you a fixed allowance, or scrutinizing every transaction. If you can’t spend money without approval or feel like your financial autonomy has been erased, it’s more than just a control issue, it’s abuse.    
2. Your earned income is not in your control. It may be immediately taken from you, managed for you, or spent without your input – all warning signs of abuse. Your income should be yours to decide how to use. When someone else claims control over it, you’re left with no ability to support yourself or make financial choices.
3. Being shut out of all financial decisions. Whether it’s paying bills, investing, or even opening a credit card, exclusion from financial conversations is a tactic used to diminish your voice. If you’re told you’re “bad with money” or “don’t need to worry about it,” this isn’t protection, it’s manipulation.
4. You are punished for your spending. Be wary if you’re made to feel guilty or punished for spending even on essentials. If a partner reacts with anger or emotional withdrawal when you buy groceries, clothes, or hygiene products, they’re using money as a weapon. It’s not about the cost, it is about the control.
5. You feel trapped in a relationship because of money.  It may be financial abuse is at play. Feeling like you can’t leave because you don’t have access to your own funds is a terrifying, isolating experience; and it is exactly how abusers maintain power.

Today, Cary is back in her power, using her platform and her new book Women & Wealth to empower others to recognize their worth, assert their financial independence, and never settle for less than full financial participation in their own lives.

If any of these signs resonate with you, know this: it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. Financial control is abuse, plain and simple. Seek support from trusted friends, professionals, or organizations who can help you take back your power. You deserve to live a life where you call the shots, financially and otherwise.

If you’re seeking additional support or resources, especially if you’re navigating a financially abusive relationship, consider reaching out to Savvy Ladies. They offer free, confidential financial guidance.