There are many myths about women and negotiating and when these fallacies are repeated, they become self-fulfilling prophecies. and contribute to women feeling less confident when negotiating their salaries or fees. Let’s look at the facts so you can feel better about doing this work.

Women Don’t Ask.

Women Don’t Ask is the title of a groundbreaking book written by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever originally published in 2003 and most recently reprinted in 2021. The authors highlight that men proactively negotiate their wages, whereas women do not, and therefore, pay a high price for their silence. One statistic from the book is that women on average lose $500,000 in a lifetime by not negotiating their first salary. This data point is often quoted in articles and presentations about this topic. I, too, have used this statistic in the past to make my point. But new research has found that women ask more often than men do!

Women are Lousy Negotiators

Women make great negotiators when they have access to negotiating training. In the past, men were taught these skills and women were left to their own devices. This is changing dramatically and a Google search for “negotiation training for women” yielded over one hundred forty million hits. When equipped with the tools and tactics, women may be better negotiators than men. In one study conducted by Professor Ashleigh Shelby Rosette, they found that the “relational quality of women can lead to better negotiation outcomes.”x The tendency of women to negotiate in a less aggressive manner and with more empathy may benefit them.

Women Who Negotiate are Difficult

Many people believe that women who negotiate are too aggressive or difficult. This myth is especially insidious as it creeps into the mindset of many of the women I coach. I find myself repeatedly saying, “You are not difficult if you are standing up for yourself and your right to earn an equitable wage.” The situation, not the person, may be difficult as any good negotiation involves preparation, patience and persistence. That is very different from a woman who asks for a raise being a bitch. This myth is based on outdated gender stereotypes and is often perpetuated by those in power to keep women (and other minority groups) fearful and in their place. Every person deserves to advocate for their best financial interests and doing so makes you wise and powerful.

I strongly believe that people of all genders, races, sexual orientations and cultural backgrounds can be great negotiators. The key is access to good training where you can master negotiation skills and harness the power of a positive negotiation mindset.